Physically detached

Well not much has happened over the past few days at home, I have felt a bit closer to my gf but not much. We have had the odd kiss (peck) and cuddle. Last night I had text her that when she gets in for work that I would like her to strip naked and lie on the floor in front of the fire so I could massage her, I started to get the blanket ready and things when I still hadn't had a reply, also to a number of other texts, then about 9pm she texts me saying she has been busy wrapping presents for Santa's Grotto that they are gong to be holding. So I text back thinking that she would be up for the massage whether she would like it when she comes in, my reply was "not really". So ok maybe I did the wrong thing and I packed everything away.

I get a text letting me know she is leaving work so I make her a cup of hot chocolate for when she gets in. When she arrives I am just finishing up and we go in to the lounge and chill out and watch a bit of TV and talk about our day. I decide to go to bed and walk past my gf and bend down to give her a kiss where she turns round and says "I'm coming up to" and moves her head so that I can't kiss her. So I walk of in a little strop all sorts of things going on in my head, but then when we go up to bed with have a bit of a giggle and laugh, I have got in to bed and she is still dressed and sits on top of my, so I'm bucking her and tickling her to get her off when she tells me she needs to pee, so I tickle harder. In the end she gets up and does her nightly routine and comes to bed, I learn over to kiss her and cuddle her and all she offers me is her cheek so I sit up more so I can kiss her lips in which she gets a bit tetchy, so I turn over and go to sleep.

So I lie awake for a little while (When I'm in bed I can fall asleep in 20 secs flat) trying not to get up set and once again all theses thoughts are going through my head. Does she love me "yes" Does she want to be with me "yes" Does she have physical emotions for me "Don't think so".

So for now I am just going to put my thoughts here, then when I can write (have a broken wrist at the mo) I am going to put my thoughts in a letter and tell her how I am feeling. I can't stand not having the physical love of a relationship, mentally its all there. (I think so anyway)

Well I have decided

that I am not going to bride/pay my gf for sex anymore (how long I last I don't know) but I am going to see what happens from now until the new year. If nothing has improved I am going to give RELATE a ring and book an appointment with them and if my gf doesn't come then I will do it alone at least this way I will know where I stand. I want to talk to her about this and I have done in the past but I never seem to be able to get everything across that I want. I guess it is because I don't want to hurt her feelings or have her turn round to tell me it will be over, so hopefully by doing this it will give me time to see what happens. I will right down all the things that bother me and when. I hate the intimacy that we have lost, she hates when I cuddle her in bed, if I try to kiss her, if I try to kiss her properly, basically anything that may have feelings.

I will keep posting here as my online diary of what happens, fingers crossed it will get sorted but I have had enough now and something has to change.

On a lighter note, I had a great weekend, it started early Friday evening where I went out with work friends for drinks and a curry, got home about 12 in bit of a drunken state and fell alseep downstairs (my son had stolen my place in my bed). Saturday was spent recovering and faffing around the house. Sunday was good as I took my son to see my mum (gf was working) where we had a nice lunch and a gentle stroll to the local pub. Once home I did some washing up and cooked dinner.

Watched some telly with gf once I had bathed and put the little man to bed. When we went to bed he kept waking up as he has got a cough from somewhere, so in the end (about half 1) I managed to get him to take some medicine where he feel asleep till 6.20 this morning, where he decided to come in to our bed, which I don't mind as I had to get up soon anyway.

Anyways time to go, have a good one and will keep the blog updated as much as poss.

Thanks for passing

Hello to

Cat, Miss Understood and Cuddlebum

I have been reading Cuddlebum's blog for a little while now and i had never commented until she ask for people to delurk, which i done, I will be posting more comments from now on.(http://bubbaeireannach.blogspot.com/) hope she doesn't mind me posting the link

I have also been reading Miss Understood's blog for a little while now and it wasn't till i read one of her entries that I decided I had to comment, it was a great memory that she decided to share with us all. Here is her blog http://allthingswomanly.blogspot.com/index.html I hope she doesn't mind me posting, if so please let me know and I will remove the link.

Cat was the first person to leave a comment on my blog so I went and took a look and I feel sorry for the guy, ok he had an affair and he has a price to pay but he is trying so hard to get his girl back. I hope he succeeds. I may put the link up if he says its ok

Just a picture

Christmas Advertising

I love Christmas, I love seeing the delight on my son's face when he is trying to open his presents, which is going to be even better this year as he has a better understanding of what is going on. I love getting present and spending time with my g/f and son and also my family, ok it means I need to visit different houses over the period but I feel the love of the season when I do and yes I like going to the (one day) inlaws. I like having champagne Christmas morning, then my brandy in the evening and the few beers in between.

What I hate though is the companies that start advertising for Christmas as early as and yes I did see it, September in one supermarket. Now that Halloween and Bonfire night is over, there are adverts on every channel, that have adverts saying do your Christmas shopping with us, look at the deals we've got. Its only bloody November, I don't need this shoved in my face everyday when I am at home relaxing. I don't want to be worrying if they are going to run out of stock am I going to be able to get what I want to buy my g/f and son.

Please leave the Christmas adverts till 1st December, I don't mind then that I only have 23 more shopping days and not 90, I don't mind rushing around getting the last minute deals or the last item off the shelf, but please please wait till December.

Well that's that rant over with, if you agree please leave a small comment. Thanks

Time for A Story

You walk in to the bar where I am working and order yourself a drink, it is early in the day and you are the only customer. I am carrying out my normal duties when you ask me to put on a music channel on the big screen, as no one is around I am happy to oblige.

The air con isn't working that day and the day is hot so already you aren't wearing much. You sit at a table across the bar from me and I can see you are enjoying
the sexy videos with the ladies all wearing bikinis, (this being summer time, all the music channels are playing summer songs). I see that you are getting slightly red in the face and I'm not sure why until as I'm bending behind the bar I notice that your hand is under the table but I can't see your fingers, that is when it twigs.

I see your glass is almost empty so I walk over with a fresh drink for you and ask if everything is ok, at this point you know I have noticed what you are doing and go all red in the face. I tell you the drink is on the house, but on one condition........

You walk over to the bar and where you are standing you lift your skirt "Is this what you want" I look over you have no knickers on, I make way towards you,
still on my knees from where I was stacking shelves, I place my head between your legs......

My tongue slides in and that is when I get the first taste of you and wow it is heaven. As you feel my tongue penetrate you I feel you shudder and squeeze my head between your thighs, I move slightly back so I can use my fingers to open you and get my tongue in deeper exploring you. I feel your breath getting deeper so I remove my tongue and use it against your clit, gently at first the pressing harder and harder making it rock hard, I take it in between my lips pressing then together.

Whilst I am doing this I slid two fingers into your hot wet pussy, I can feel the heat around my fingers, so wet making them slid in so easily.I feel that you are going to come so I stop what I am doing and take you to the pool table. I bend you
over it with your cheeks on display and take my belt off and take one swipe across your cheeks, enough to sting and to leave a mark, a moan escapes you.....

I hear the moan and it excites me knowing that it is turning you on being spanked so I use my belt a few more times seeing your pussy glistening, I feel you have had all the pleasure so far so I move to the front of you and unzip my trousers and pull my hard throbbing cock and place it at your lips, you seem not to want to take me in your mouth so I push a bit harder, you part your lips open your mouth and start sucking me.

It feels so good I don't want it to stop but I can tell you want this to finish, So I move back round behind you and slap your cheeks a few times with the belt each stroke harder than the first, the moaning getting louder.

I get you to turn over so that you are sitting on the edge on the table, I go down on you once again just to>make sure are ready for me, I taste your sweetness, I feel the heat coming from you, I know it is the right time now.

I get back up and move close to you, take me in your hand and press my head against your lips,all the while staring deep in to my eyes, I press my body in to you and you press back taking me deep inside you, a small moan escapes when I am all in, I feel you squeezing me from inside, trying to pull me deeper inside you, I start pumping harder and harder, you pushing against me with each stroke, Our eyes staring deep into one another, then we move closer with passion and heat, our lips touching pressing harder, mouths opening,our tongues exploring each others mouths. This making the passion almost unbearable we push ourselves harder and harder against each other wanting more and more when suddenly I can feel you tighten around me, your breathing getting deeper, you getting wetter, the moans getting louder and more intense when suddenly our bodies can't take no more and explode, your juices flooding around me, me exploding inside you filling you. We fall in a heap on the table.....

You come back from the loo, your hair back to the way it was when you came in, skirt all straightened, lipstick done, you finish your drink, smile "This is a bar I could come back to" you say, I smile,"come back soon I haven't shown you the cellar yet"

What do I do

I am in love with my girlfriend and never ever want to be without her, but the sex life is lagging and I have no idea what to do.

Let me take you through the last few days.

I had a small talk with her and she has told me she doesn't like sex any more. Now this came as a bit of a shock to me, ok since we found out she was pregnant and then once our son was born our sex life was a struggle. I always wanted to she didn't.

We used to have a great sex life before we found out about our little bundle of joy (not so little now, he's nearly 3 yrs old now) We would have sex anywhere and everywhere. All positions, we even filmed ourselves a couple of times, took pictures and experimented.

But it has come to me now having to bribe her to have sex with me, yes it sounds like prostitution and I guess technically it is but I can not see any other way of getting what I like doing apart from either going to a prostitute or having an affair both of which I don't want to do and will not do. A problem I have though is she wants wham bam thank you mam and there is no loving (well doesn't seem to be) with the whole act. I like to tease have foreplay, stroke, caress, lick, suck and finger and all the rest. She seems to not want me to do a lot of this now and it is really bugging me.

We did have a little experiment as my g/f has really gone of giving me bj's and its not down to my personal hygiene. She has been trying to build herself up to do it but what we ended up doing was just her plating 5 kisses on my which I thought was wonderful and great progress but where do I go now, do I offer her money to do it again or how soon, aaarrrgggghhhh I just don't know. Might post more later but need to sort my head out as not sure how to put down any more