Um ah I don't know what to say

When I said it was going to be a quiet week, I was wrong.

I had a phone call from my brother and he asked me to phone him back, usually this means he wants some money or something, what happened actually left me speechless for a minute.

Bro "My ex is pregnant"
Me ".............."
me "What, tell me that again"
bro "she's pregnant"
me "Are you sure its yours"
bro "yeah I'm sure"

So I started asking other questions like how old she is and how far gone she is etc, so which, she is 20yrs old, 8 weeks gone and doesn't know what she wants to do.

I have been in this position twice myself, once with an ex and once with the current gf. The first time I didn't really talk to anyone about it and we went the abortion route, this is a very hard route to go down and if I had know this at the time it might never have happened as when you come out the other side everything changes. The second time I don't even think abortion crossed my mind, I'm not sure if that was due to the past experience or whether I did want to be a dad but this time I had someone to talk to and I did.

When my brother told me I told him that there are three options, abortion, becoming a dad and adoption.

Abortion, my brother told me he doesn't believe in this, which is fine, but I reminded him that this is an option. I told him it won't be easy for either of them and will be an emotional roller-coaster.

Becoming a dad, I think my brother would make a great dad but at the moment he isn't in the right place to be one. He's 22 and hasn't really settled in to any job and doesn't know what to do with his life, I think he is staying a a friends house but seems to get moved long to the next friend after a couple of months as he doesn't pull he weight or owes them money for rent etc. I guess what I am trying to say is that he is still young and still has his life to live. If the ex and him got back together I don't think it would be for them it would be for the baby and I don't believe that would be good for any of them.

Adoption, this I have no idea about but I don't think it will be an easy decision.

Last I told my brother to go and have a few beers and just sit and think about what he wants and what decision he wants to take and that he will have to sit down with the ex and together they will have to talk, hard yes but is the only way. I have told him that I am at the end of the phone whenever he needs me.

Xin nian kuai le (Happy New Year)

Tonight we will be having a Chinese takeaway, OK so not your traditional Chinese new year but a great excuse not to cook and have some enjoyable food.

Not much happened during the week, I took Wednesday off work to spend the day in bed with the gf just cuddling, but even then I slept most of it. I played football Wednesday night and had a good game, stopped for a couple of beers after and nothing was said when I got it. Friday night a friend of mine came round and we had a few beers and caught up and watch some films, I have to admit, the last one I did fall asleep through, so will need to watch it again, we finished about half 3 so off to bed I went. Saturday we went to the in-laws to see my son's Aunt and uncle, she is 18/19 and he is 15, they both like playing with my son and catching up on what he has been doing which is nice and means the gf and I get an hour or so to chat to her mum and things. The gf's brother came round with his gf and her two kids, about 6ish we decided it was time to get some food, so of to the local kebab house, we took it all back to ours and felt quite stuffed afterwards, the kids went and played in my sons room whist we played the Wii. The gf brought herself Carnival:Funfair Games, its a great game, I didn't play it to begin with and was just having fun watching them, I then joined in and won about 5 games in a row and was accused of playing it before, which I hadn't but had seen my friend play it on his birthday. During the night we put the girls and my son to bed under his bed as a sort of camp out which they loved and they all seemed to go to sleep quite quickly which meant our Wii night carried on till about half 11 that night.

Sunday I cooked a roast dinner again as I find it enjoyable to cook a great meal without much fuss, making the batter for the Yorkshire pudding is a bit messy but when you get to eat them fresh it makes it all worth while and I have got my roast pots down to a T now and they always come out crispy. If I make a roast this weekend I'll try and take a pic and make you all jealous. Nothing much planned for this week apart from meeting my dad for a beer Wednesday but if anything happens I will let you know.

Technology is great

The past week and this weekend didn't see me doing much.

I got home Friday and as I had some bits to do in my room thought I would put the PC on and listen to some music, everything booted ok, but when i went to access my external hardrive it seemed to take ages, then when I clicked it nothing happened, if I could look in the mirror at the point I'm sure my face would have been white as the colour drained. I have nearly all of my music collection on there as I thought I could use my PC as a jukebox and the amount of time it took me to upload everything doesn't bare thinking about. So a lot of Friday evening was trying to repair it and trying to find out what was wrong, after spending to long on it, I sorted my son out for bed, I can't remember why but we let him fall asleep on the sofa, me and the gf then played the computer, we started off with a snowboarding game but it kept crashing, so we moved on to Mario Kart on the Wii, I didn't do to badly and won a few races but no trophies until the last match of the night.

Saturday was a bit of a loss day, it was spent getting up late (well the gf anyway, I was up just before 9), lazing about a bit, then wondering in to town for haircuts and a couple of basics needed from the supermarket. the gf cooked us dinner, which was nice, she used a spread n bake on some chicken, it was tikka flavour was was quite nice and the chicken stayed nice and moist.
we cuddled up on the sofa and watched Snakes on a plane, I have seen it so already knew how bad it was, but for a B movie I didn't expect much, the gf wasn't overly impressed with it but she did chuckle a couple of times through it.

I had decided Saturday that I was going to have a lie in on Sunday, I didn't do to bad and dragged myself out about 10/half 10ish, got my son and myself breakfast and got dressed. The previous evening we had been discussing what to have for dinner and all the usual suggestions weren't met with any eagerness from anyone, so I decided that we would have a roast, so once the gf had got up, about 12ish, i went to Tesco and brought a small chicken breast for roasting and everything else that was needed, potatoes, flours, eggs, milk and lunch box bits. When i get home my son wants to go and see his friend so I watch him go round to make sure he is safe and when he's in I head off to my room to play my computer, before I went up though the gf asked what time dinner would be ready I said about 4 she said 3, I thought OK, I can do that and played for about half hour, it was now 2pm and I hadn't got anything prepared, so I peel the spuds and get them steaming, whilst that's going on get the batter ready for the Yorkshire puddings, then it was time to put the spuds in to the roasting time and put the chicken on. as that left me with about half hour potting time I faffed round the house a bit, sorting my washing out, watching a bit of telly, washing up the pans and mixing bowl I had used, I popped my head round the lounge door and asked if she wanted a cuppa, well of course she did, she then asked what time dinner would be ready, I said about 4 and she just smirked. My timing seemed to be spot on and everything was ready at once, except my son, he was still at his friends and when the gf went to get him no one answered, she has a pathetic weak knock, so I shot round to get him but this took about 5-10 mins as he couldn't find his jacket and me and his friends dad got chatting, even though I am trying to leave, the gf phoned to see what she should do and i told her just to turn everything off. I got in and luckily nothing was burnt but another minute or two it would have been, I dish the roast up, with all the veg for my son (broccoli, sprouts, peas and sweetcorn) same for the gf apart from the peas and sweetcorn and just the peas and sweetcorn for me, not that we are fussy at all, my son got in a little strop as I had only put on Yorkshire on his plate, I did tell him he could have another afterwards and this seem to cheer him up. The evening was spent with me putting out son to bed for an early night as he was still so tired and then me ironing whilst she sorted her room out as it looked like a bomb had hit it.

Why am I so weak

Last night I get in from the pub and we have another heart to heart and she says that I don't love her and only want her for sex. She feels that I don't put her first. I then go upstairs to the loo when I notice that there are two suitcases packed, she has decided to move out on her own and leave me with our son, she wants to do something for herself for a change. I can't remember much of the conversation but instead of letting her go, I told her I didn't want her to leave. I'm not sure if its because something seemed to lift about the whole relationship or I'm just scared.

One thing that did stick though was that she has been discussing it with her mum and her mum now knows we aren't getting along. I had a feeling on Sunday this was the case as I wasn't allowed to stay in the kitchen when they chatted.

What hit me though was that if she did leave I'm not sure how I would be able to handle work and looking after my son, I know that single mums do it, how though I have no idea. For me as the main earner I would have to take my son to the breakfast club and also he would have to go to after school club, which I wouldn't be able to pick him up till about 6pm. The cost but also the time we spent together would be a major factor.

The Beer Monster

So after Christmas everyone decides to cut down the food and beer intake, why? as long as you eat properly again afterwards you will be fine and your kidneys clear your system off all the bad stuff, so no need to detox and with this in mind I went to my friends birthday with all intent to have a good drink and a laugh.

I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to his birthday as the gf had organised to go out the same night for her friends birthday which left us with a little man needing to be babysat, she had told me not to ask any of her family to babysit and I wasn't allowed to get a babysitter in as she doesn't like the idea of a stranger in the house. So me being me, I text her brother to see if he could babysit, but I wasn't doing it as her family but as my friend, but this still got me in to trouble and a blazing row. With everything sorted for my son to stay with his uncle I dropped him off at about 6pm Saturday and went home to get ready, which for me meant jumping in to the shower and sorting my clothes out, which took about half hour but another hour waiting for the gf. The gf was going to come with me for the beginning of the night then meet her friends during the evening, which I had no problems with, so we get a taxi as we are running a little late, women, get in and the drinking starts. It was just the four of us to start with but people started turning up about 8 half 8ishm there was an ex of mine there, which when the gf saw rolled her eyes and left me a bit uncomfortable as if I wanted to have a chat with the ex I knew it would be awkward.

The gf didn't bother going to meet up with her friends and stayed with us till the end of the night which was quite nice and we had a good belly full of beer and her with her cherry Sourz and coke (alcoholic Cherry coke). When we were kicked out of the pub I went with my mate back to his house to play the Wii, the gf was invited but she wanted to go home and she got herself a taxi. We got back to my mates house and cracked open another beer when the food turned up with a few other people, they had headed off in the cars before us. I remember watching them play a carnival game, then the next I was waking up on the sofa 9 in the morning with a duvet on me. So I rushed up and called a taxi, which didn't take long to get to me and I headed home, stopping off at the shop for some headache tablets as my head was killing, I got in and it was very quiet, so I went upstairs and the gf was in bed, she scowled at me then turned over so she didn't have to look at me, that's when I knew I was in the bad books, so I made a cuppa for us and had a shower, she told me she wasn't going to drink it though, so I went off up stairs and went on the computer for a little while. All day yesterday she would only make polite conversation with me it we were with company, otherwise it was the cold shoulder just like today, I can understand her being a bit miffed, but she didn't call all text me asking where I was or anything, which if she did I might have woken up to and gone home, a couple of peaceful days for me coming up I hope.

One of our friends has had a bit of a crap time with relationships, I'm not sure what goes wrong but something does, but she has a new man in her life now, he seems a nice chap, has got some money behind him and I hope them all the best, for some reason though someone had to point out the age difference, she is 26 and he is 49, if your happy though does age matter? I was thinking about it last night and I thought it didn't but then I'm not sure if I could go out with someone 10 years plus or minus my age, I'm not sure why, maybe I'll have to try it out.

So what are your thoughts on age difference?

Happy New Year

Creative title huh.

I would like to say that I have moved on with my life and I have found a place to live blah blah blah but I can't as i haven't.

We all had a great Christmas and my son was thoroughly spoilt, be he deserves it. We had a couple of ups and downs over the period but worked through them (just).

Over the break my dad phoned me and asked if I had a spare laptop he could borrow, no probs as i have one or two floating around, so I take it to him and we get it working on the wireless in the hotel he is staying at, I stay for a coffee then leave and go to the gf's mum's to get a pair of secateurs to cut back a couple of bushes. I get home with the gf moaning a little as I said I was only going to be an hour but was an hour and a half, we have lunch and I get to work on the bush with my son helping me stack the branches in to an old sheet so I can take it down to the tip. With the car loaded I head off an realise i don't have my phone with me, not a problem as the only person to call me would probably be the gf, so I head off and empty the car out and get home. I get in and the gf asks my son to go and play in my room, which he does and the Spanish inquisition starts. The gf has gone through my phone to see what I have been up to, she asks me who Paula is, I tell her it is a friend from work who has recently had twins, she asks why I had put a kiss on the end of my text and why I had been round her house, so I told her again that it was a friend from work and i went to see her and her twins, she didn't believe me and kept asking the same question to which I kept giving the same reply, she asked why I hadn't mentioned her before, I told her it was because she is a work friend but that didn't cut it, she then moans that any time my dad calls its just because he wants something, which in a way is true but at the same time at least I get to see him. the gf then defends her actions by saying that she did it because she didn't believe i had gone to see my dad, so back to the trust issue again, from there we got to her wanting me to move out, which I should have taken as a get out and left. We discussed when I would see my son, which worked out he would stay every Tuesday and Thursday night and I would also have him every other weekend, taking him on Saturday and taking him to scholl on the Monday. We discussed what I would take with me and to be honest it wasn't much apart from the stuff in my room and my dvds, cds and some kitchen bits, she said that I didn't look that upset about it, I said that we should still be civil about it, but she told me she couldn't otherwise she wouldn't want me to leave.

That night we seemed to get on better and i even slept in her bed, no no funny business even though I wanted to, we got up in the morning and seemed to get on well, which was proved when we had sex that morning. So I put myself back in to the place where I didn't want to be. We then went to her mums for New Years Eve and had quite a good time where my son stayed up till about half to and only really started complaining he was tired around 2am.

Now, this might be a bit cheeky but I need your help, I have realised that no matter what I do I am not going to be able be the boyfriend she wants me to be so I do need to move out and find my own place, so what I am after, is any practical/emotional advice you can give me, I know that I need to sit down with her and tell her it is not working, but any time I have tried this in the past with just trying to sort us out, either ends in an argument or making promises that we don't keep or work on. I have already got the backing of my mum regarding rent etc so part one, as you know is sorted, but the whole splitting up and moving on part is a whole different story and I don't know how to go about it.