No Smoking, Drinking and Earthquakes

Well it is now day 12 without a smoke and I feel that I am now over the worst of it all, I was even offered a smoke yesterday which I straight away turned down, which normally I would do but I think even I would have been forgiven if I did.

Saturday started as normal for me, waking up with a hangover from where I had been drinking round my friends house. I got some shorts on and started to sort breakfast for me and my son whilst the gf was getting ready for work. Once that was done we sat down and ate our ceral and as I normally finished before him I got up to take a wander in to the kitchen when all of a sudden I could here this rumbling noise and the house started to shake and got worse then all of a sudden it all stopped, I didn't have a clue what was going on, my son was in tears and the gf looked very shocked. The first thoughts through my head was that the building was coming down, so I do the smart thing and go out on the balcony to see what is going on, all I can hear is flock of seagulls crying out. so I rush back in, run upstairs and grab a couple of bits to keep us warm and we leave the house. The rest of the people i the building are opening their doors. We smell gas to so this makes us speed up a bit. We get outside and try and figure what is going on, I see other people out on the street from further up so I am guessing its not just our flat now. After a little while and discussing what it could have been and trying to ring 99 etc we decide to go back in. So we go in I have left the balcony door open but the gas smell is still about. The gf and I get ready and our son so we can visit her mum, she is only down the road. We get their and we see that her mums chimney has moved abit as well as alot of the others along her road, in one there is a car wearing some of the roof of a house.

We spent all day next to gf's mum as her mum's house had been taped off (by the police) due to the chimney not looking to safe.

Stopping smoking

So i have now stopped smoking for a week and a day now and i haven't really noticed much of a change in anything and i didn't expect to this early on, but why does it every time I give up feel like i have a cold, my throat hurts my head pounds and it feels as it my nose is blocked.

Or maybe i do have a cold, either way I will continue with the no smoking.

Day 7 or 1 Week

It has been 1 week since I last had a cigarette.

It doesn't feel that much to not smoking except that I don't smell and see less of the sun during my work day.

Last my gf and I were discussing places where we would and wouldn't live in the town we live in now.

I have lived here for about 8 years now and i still don't know all of the names of the roads what are the good and bad places but when I spotted a place that was quite cheap and looked good on the outside and so did the neighbours, I mentioned it to her and she said there was no chance she was moving there. So I looked on the map and ok there are playing fields behind it, which she says the junkies use, well I cannot remember a time since i have been with her when she last went there.

She is also looking for a home and not a house, but surely your home is what you make of it.

Day 6

I know i have missed day 3, 4 & 5, this is not because i smoked but because it has been the weekend.

Friday was a good day.

Did the usual of going to work and then going home. Didn't really do much and Friday night me and the gf spent it cuddled up on the sofa watching TV and a film.

Saturday was shopping day.

Me the gf and my son went shopping with a friend of the gf to C'bury. My plan for me was to get a pair of trousers, a pair of shoes and some t-shirts.

So I left the gf and her friend and took my son with me, first stop was a clothes shop and the last time I took my son in here I couldn't concentrate as he kept running about and guess what no change, so when I do catch him he asks for a hot dog, now I know I should have bribed him and told only once i have brought some tops but I couldn't be bothered, so we left the shop and went for a stroll. Unbeknown to me i have walked straight past the hot dog stand and have made it to the end past all the shops with no hot dog in hand, so we turn around and on the way back I stop in a couple of shoe shops but the prices almost make me cry so I leave and we finally find the hot dog stand and we go and sit down whilst my son finishes his hot dog.

We deiced to walk back up and visit Next as he is after some sun glasses, which is a slight problem as he seems to have a bigger head than most children, not that you can tell until you try and find a hat in his size. I bump in to a friend of mine on the way, she is with her daughter and her mum so we all walk up together. We leave then in next and go and get the glasses for him, whilst doing that i get a call from my brother saying he is now in town and where shall we meet, so I tell him where we are and when he arrives we take a wonder to the pub.

Now there are loads of bars but i need somewhere with a beer garden, so I need a pub, luckily my brother has now been living here for a couple of months so knows where to go, well that's what I thought, when we do finally arrive I am impressed he knew about this place. Its a 14th Century pub that has tables out the back and some sun but some great choice of ale on. So we go and sit in the garden whilst we have a beer which was nice and my son is perfect.

Once we have supped up my brother goes to meet his friends and i go to meet up with the gf and she is paying for something when my son does a runner, now I am thinking he is just inside the shop next door, so I go in and can't see him, I look down each of the aisles and still nothing, so i walk round the shop and realise there is a door at the other end, so I go out and there he is running back to me, so I let him know that I am not happy with him with and why he shouldn't run off.

So once all that is done, I could go on but how much more about shopping do you want to hear, we go home and relax for a bit (oh I didn't get any of the items I wanted).

So Saturday evening the gf goes out to an Ann Summers party, I think she did this so she didn't have to watch one of my Manga films (Japanese Animation), so I call a friend up and he comes round with supplies (JD, Vodka, Lemonade, Coke and nibbles). So we have another DVD marathon, we seem to be having this once or twice a month now where we sit and chat and watch a two to three dvd's in the night (whilst drinking of course) The gf got in about 2 half 2, a bit worse for wear and we finished up about half 3 and I then head up to bed.

Sunday was was spent taking it easy in the morning (slightly tired and hungover). When the gf got back from work she didn't seem in the best of moods and seeing as our son was asleep I told her to lie down for half an hour. My son woke nearly to the minute was up on the half hour so I got him dressed and the gf got dressed and we all went to her mums for a bbq as it was the gf's younger brothers b'day on Friday and her elder brother is going to the US for 3 months. I ended up doing all the cooking again, I sort of moan that I do it all the time but then I do enjoy it and its the alpha male gene in me that says only I can cook the food well.

So after the bbq we head home and my son stays up to watch Dr Who and after that he goes to bed and me and the gf just lay on the sofa. We start watching her program and I can tell we are both knackered so I suggest we watch it in bed. Which is what we do and then promptly fall asleep when it is finished, the time was Ten o'clock :)

And today is Day 6 of not smoking.

It hasn't been to bad but did feel the urge/need on Saturday night when my friend was round as we would normally pause the dvd and nip out for a smoke, which we did this time but instead I just watched and drank :)

Day 2

Yesterday I think I was having an off day.

I do love my gf lots.

After work yesterday I went and played football, but because someone forgot to book the pitch we were kicked off, so we ended up using Jumpers for goal posts over the polo field.

It was one of the funniest things I have seen for ages, we were sliding and falling all over the place. We had troubles passing dribbling and shooting. I think we need a lot more practice on grass before we play an eleven aside match again.

After football it was off out to the pub to watch the Liverpool V Boro game, Liverpool won 2-0 :)

I know from previous times from giving up that my weakest moment is in the pub with a pint, but last night I didn't smoke and I didn't really have the craving that I thought I would. Normally the evening starts of with one pint one cig then progresses until I am chain smoking.

Tonight I think I really need to sit down with the gf and once and for all sort this out. I need to know that she wants me (need is not a good thing). If she turns round and tells me she doesn't then at least I will know that i can start things moving.

My gf has no idea that all this is going on in my head and it is time she did.

Day 1

This is Day 1 of not smoking.

I took the decision to stop smoking on Monday and set myself today (Wednesday) to give up.

So far so good today, i have tried to give up before and lasted about 6 months so I am looking to go all the way this time.

I ha e a good weekend, still a bit of bickering between me and my gf but that was expected.

Friday night I went to a friends house as his gf was out for the evening at a concert, so we cracked open a few beers put on a dvd and had got drunk, I think the shots of JD helped or even the Raspberry vodka.

Saturday was spent morning wise cleaning the house as we had let it get a bit behind in the housework. We all then went out in the afternoon, first stop was the Hairdressers for my son as he hair was now to long to be fashion.

When that was done, which took a bit of time, not because he wouldn't sit still but because there was so much of it, we went to the park and played on the swings etc and he made a friend which was nice.

Saturday we had a takeaway and a friend of the gf came round and we watched a dvd (Night at the Museum) I tried watching it but because I no longer have the stamina I fell alseep whilst watching it, I woke up to watch the last 10-15 mins of it. It was then time for bed.

Sunday not much really happened. Went to the market in the morning to pic some meat up, I was looking at spending about £40 but ended up spending £60, but I got so much for my money, there were sirloin Steaks, Pork Loins, Sausages, 3lb Bacon, a bag of chicken breast, 12 burgers, 4 bags of mince (this is 8 packs worth if you get it from the supermarket).

Monday and Tuesday we the usual except last night I mentioned to the gf text me when you are leaving work and i will make you a cup of tea, well she did but I didn't as i was on the xbox and when the text came in it seemed to early for her to be leaving so I carried on.

Well she turned up and then gets all stroppy because I hadn't made it, so i tell her to put the kettle on and I will and then she starts moaning etc so I finish my mission and make the tea. But with this going on I have realised two things, I left my ex for my current gf because we we having bedroom problems and lots of arguments and I think I am only with my gf because I don't want to loose my son.

The Sofa debate

It seems there are a couple of you that have experienced or have left your men on the sofa.

Now this isn't a bad thing to me as it sure makes you apprecitate the bed more but sometimes we do just need to stay there, whether we mean to or not.

To me it feels a bit like camping but more comfortable and if you have fallen asleep because you have had a few beers too many, the sensation when you wake up can be a bit scary. You wake up and the first you that goes through you mind is "Where the hell am I" once the bleary eyes have focused you realise your safe (well till the gf/wife wakes up). Sometimes the pain in the neck will hit and you think you will never move your head ever again 9this isn't the hangover that's still to come). So once you have adjusted a bit a few things may run through your head, How did i get here, have I been asleep long, do I bother getting out of these clothes, did I eat the kebab/burger (hopefully your not using it as a pillow) and the main one is "Do I now try and crawl in to bed".

Now this is a dilemma, there is a risk that it is almost time to get up so you might as well stay where you are or do you try and sneak in to bed with out waking your partner. I don't know how many people like being woken when they are in deep sleep but i know i hate it and my gf, well I know its safer to stay downstairs.

Sofa's are now so comfortable

Last night I slept on the sofa but it was a good thing. I had been out playing football and afterwards we all went for a meal as one of the guys is leaving to go to the US for three months.

I met the gf in the park as she had taken our little one to play for a while to get him out of the house and as she was also babysitting some friends kids to. Once she had taken what little money I had I went home and got my bag ready for football.

Got to football and had quite a good game even though we did lose (they had the better keeper). Once the game was finished we headed back in for shower and a change when i receive a text from the gf asking me to give her a lift home after I have showered, which I said yes to as I had to drop the car off home anyway (its only 5-10 mins to the pub). So dropped them off then got changed and went to the pub. I had missed the first round so headed in to the restaurant part where we sat down chatted and had a drink or two whilst out food was being cooked. Once all that was done back to the bar for last drinks and a chat about the game and a talk about the US.

Got home just before twelve (its a 15-20 min walk back) the gf is still up so I do a couple of things we have a chat about stuff in general and she goes up to bed, so I switch the xbox on, finish a mission and decide it may be better to do this when i can focus, so I turn it off and do some channel hoping.

I remember turning the TV off and lying down on the sofa thinking I will get undressed soon. Which I did this morning when i woke up.

It started bad

But got a bit better by mid morning today, the gf phoned and asked me what was up, so all moody and I told her it was over, she then asked why and I told her i don't know but i just can't cope with this. Then I ask her what was wrong and she tells me the reason she stopped the other night and has been moody if because she thought i wanted/was sleeping with other women. The reason she thought this was because she had been open with me about snogging other guys I told her that as long as she was honest with me I think i could handle her sleeping with another man (only a a one night basis), yes looking back at that now, ok, I think I wouldn't have coped.

Anyway because of this she thought that is what I wanted to do, which I told her i didn't and i only said she could because that is what I thought she wanted.

So we have sort of made up.

Not sure if i have mentioned but we have our house up on the market at the moment, so i get a call form the estate agents just before 1 asking if they can do a viewing tomorrow at 1 which I say is fine and I text the gf to let her know. She then phones me up and has a go at me as it means she has now got to tidy the house again, which she had done yesterday and it surely can't be in that bad of a mess already, so she tells me our son has got all his toys out. I laugh and make matters worse, now she moans when no one comes round to look and moans when people do, I really can't make her out. I wouldn't mind her bitching about it if she worked all day, I'm not saying being a housewife isn't hard work but isn't that what your supposed to do if your a housewife. (Sorry for the chauvinistic comment)

Well

Last night was crap.

Got in and the gf had done all the tidying as we had a viewing on the house. My son cheered me up a bit when I got in by giving me a big cuddle and kiss, then i made dinner for the both of us, gave him a bath and put him to bed.

I sat down to relax for a while so put a dvd on which i fell alseep watching in the first 15 mins, then woke again, watch a little more then was woken by my phone ringing, the gf was outside wanting to be let in, so I let her in, she seemed to just storm past me.

As i was feeling tired I told her I was going to be, this was after she had a go at me, then she tells me to switch everything off downstairs as she is going to bed, mind I was already half way up the stairs and she could have done this. So I go upstairs grab the duvet and sleep on the sofa again.

Head completely All over the place

Yesterday we took my son with the gf's family to a local castle to us where we spent about 6 hours looking around.

We then get home have dinner and chill out a little bit, well the gf did, I was busy doing the bathroom and folding clothes.

So when we finally get to bed we are both tossing and turning, we are tired but just can't get comfortable, so I suggest to the gf that I give her a massage which I do and then things progress a bit and we start having sex but she then goes all funny on me (this is after she has had an orgasm) and tells me to leave her alone so I leave and take a duvet with me and sleep downstairs.

Now to me this is not right, something has to be wrong, no i am no doctor or therapist but there must be something going on in her head.

What confuses me is that on Saturday when she got home she started saying things like i miss first dates and things, not knowing if your going to be having sex at the end of it and things, now ok those are things you can miss but if she can't have sex with me what will happen when she is with other guys, it makes me think that it is me and only me she doesn't want to be with.

The Long Weekend

It has not been to bad Easter this year.



I went out Thursday night with the gf's brother and had a few drinks, him telling me there was no chance I would be able to persuade her to come to France and I think he may be right.



Friday I spent with my son as the gf was out for lunch then went shopping with a friend. We didn't get up to much but enough to keep ourselves entertained. The gf then went out Friday night so I got a friend round and the gf's brother for a couple of beers and to watch a dvd, so the evening was good.



Yesterday I spent boiling eggs in the morning for the Easter egg Hunt that is on today, but we don't just boil them we also soak them in a dye to colour them.









I then picked the gf up from work and we went to see my mum as she is moving to France on Tuesday (11th April). So we spent the afternoon and early evening there. I was a bit emotional saying goodbye but I will see her again in about 6 weeks when I go over and see her.

The gf then went out after we got back, I watched a DVD and had a couple of beers then went to bed, she got in about 3am when she decided she wanted to jump me which was good until she got a bit emotional and it all stopped. She then turns to me and tells me she feels she is to young to be this deep in to the relationship and misses going out on first dates and things. To which I had no answer for and it sort of upset me a bit. She also told me that she doesn't like sex much as she doesn't feel the connection anymore.

Then this morning she told me that she does love me and does actually want to be with me, so I am now confused. I mentioned to her about what she said about sex and that it could be because we never actually have much foreplay, this is not because I don't want to but because she doesn't really like it that much any more.

So today I feel abit confused and a bit sick as I feel that this could be the end for us as I don't know if this can be fixed, I try and be the loving bf but what ever I do seems to not help.

Anyway its Easter Sunday and the eggs in the pic are what we will be hunting for today so that we can find our proper Easter presents. Happy Easter

The Task

The gf has seen the pics and thinks its a lovely place, she likes the idea of being able to go skiing only 1 1/2 hours away, so going well so far.

Now all i need to do is pursued her I have the opportunity this weekend.

I am seeing my Mum this Easter weekend and with her help I am hoping I can get the gf onside to move out there.

My Mum I am sure will be able to work her magic as I did email my mum and explained to her that i would love the chance to move out with her.

The email that I sent

Hi Mum

I have been thinking about this for a bit now and I think I would like to us come to France with you, as long as you would have us, as I would like to start over.

What I would like to do is

When the house is sold pay of my debts
Move to France and help with your house first whether it be fencing looking after the land and helping with the stable conversions.
Give my son an experience of a different culture.

But I don’t know the pros and cons to this and not sure how I could persuade Nina to come over, maybe see if she would give it a go for 5 years or so.

Any Ideas?

Love

So fingers crossed my mum will back me up :)

The French Home

A View From the Sky

A closer Inspection With the Main house in the back ground

The Stables

View from the Stables

The Farmhouse (I think)