Physically detached

Well not much has happened over the past few days at home, I have felt a bit closer to my gf but not much. We have had the odd kiss (peck) and cuddle. Last night I had text her that when she gets in for work that I would like her to strip naked and lie on the floor in front of the fire so I could massage her, I started to get the blanket ready and things when I still hadn't had a reply, also to a number of other texts, then about 9pm she texts me saying she has been busy wrapping presents for Santa's Grotto that they are gong to be holding. So I text back thinking that she would be up for the massage whether she would like it when she comes in, my reply was "not really". So ok maybe I did the wrong thing and I packed everything away.

I get a text letting me know she is leaving work so I make her a cup of hot chocolate for when she gets in. When she arrives I am just finishing up and we go in to the lounge and chill out and watch a bit of TV and talk about our day. I decide to go to bed and walk past my gf and bend down to give her a kiss where she turns round and says "I'm coming up to" and moves her head so that I can't kiss her. So I walk of in a little strop all sorts of things going on in my head, but then when we go up to bed with have a bit of a giggle and laugh, I have got in to bed and she is still dressed and sits on top of my, so I'm bucking her and tickling her to get her off when she tells me she needs to pee, so I tickle harder. In the end she gets up and does her nightly routine and comes to bed, I learn over to kiss her and cuddle her and all she offers me is her cheek so I sit up more so I can kiss her lips in which she gets a bit tetchy, so I turn over and go to sleep.

So I lie awake for a little while (When I'm in bed I can fall asleep in 20 secs flat) trying not to get up set and once again all theses thoughts are going through my head. Does she love me "yes" Does she want to be with me "yes" Does she have physical emotions for me "Don't think so".

So for now I am just going to put my thoughts here, then when I can write (have a broken wrist at the mo) I am going to put my thoughts in a letter and tell her how I am feeling. I can't stand not having the physical love of a relationship, mentally its all there. (I think so anyway)